Apparently Still Recovering That Sense of Identity

I pretty much effed off this week and did not begin Week 3. I continued with my morning pages, yet couldn't seem to bring myself to start the next week. And maybe it's for the best that I spent more time on recovering a sense of identity; Through my pages, I noticed lot of stuff coming up for me in how I identify myself and relate to others. I suppose I'm redefining myself now that I am no longer a wife. For better or worse (all pun intended), I found myself very defined as "Mrs. Gadget". That was an identity I knew how to wear and wore it well.

Now I'm in the process of redefining and rebuilding. The interesting thing about this process is that it's nothing new, it's the drawing out of the woman I've always been. It's just time to let her come out and stand on her own two feet.

But oh, how I miss those vermillion walls...

Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity

I'm a bit behind on my documenting!

"This week addresses self-definition as a major component of creative recovery. You may find yourself drawing new boundaries or staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves. The essays and tools are aimed at moving you into your personal identity, a self defined you."

In the past few years I've become aware of how susceptible I am to my surroundings. I thrive when in a environment I find beautiful or inspiring and seemingly shut down in environments I deem otherwise. This week, Julia Cameron talked about how we don't need huge blocks of time to create the life we want. We can start by making little changes here and there. I realized that while I may want new light fixtures in the office, bedroom, and bathroom, a new rug for the living room, that chic sofa from CB2, side tables to flank it, a fabulous custom-upholstered chair, side table for said fabulous custom-upholstered chair, a two-tiered coffee table, new carpeting in the bedroom, and art on all my walls, I could start to beautify my home by unpacking the still-packed moving boxes, organizing my book shelves, and putting my spring linens on the bed.

This also applies to my life as a musician. I typically need a day's worth of solitude to really get into my groove with songwriting. I'm seeing how ineffective that is, and that I'm very capable of banging out an awesome tune piece-by-piece with whatever spare moments I have. And honestly, I have a lot of spare moments. I just get pissy when they're not all stacked on top of each other.

I've already unpacked one of those moving boxes and even reorganized my bookshelf, which has done wonders for my psyche. Still needs some work, although I'm pretty pleased, considering it took 15 minutes.

Before
After

Artist Date #1: Mercury Glass

I read about a technique for turning glass into "aged mercury glass" in the January issue of Martha Stewart Living and had been anxious to test it out. I needed to create centerpieces for my best friend's baby shower, so it seemed like the perfect time to get creative and unleash my artist.

My date began at Goodwill (classy, I know), where I bought $4.47 worth of glasses. I got three vases from my bestie and promised her that they would come back to her more beautiful than ever. I had bought the spray paint earlier in the week from Michael's. Finding the specific paint was an adventure in itself...more on that later. I felt like I was on a mission - and I really like missions - a creative mission that had to be completed before the rest of the world came banging on my door with "pay the bills, cook dinner, return that phone call, follow up on email, find guitarist, wash the car", and all that other nasty junk that piles up in the way of my creative process.

The technique was simple, although I modified it a bit to get better results. I had such a great time getting messy and creating something beautiful. Admittedly, I wondered why I didn't let myself do stuff like this more often. All and all, a great date!




Martha Stewart's Instant Antique Technique (With Notes by Liz)

Tools and Materials
Glass candleholders
Vases
Picture frames with glass
Spray bottle with water
Mirror paint (krylon.com). The paint is called Krylon Looking Glass Mirror-Like Paint. Call stores ahead of time to see if they carry it.
Drying rack (I used the rack from inside the microwave)

The How-To
Work on a protected surface in a well-ventilated area. Outside is best!
Clean glass before starting.
Cover vessels' exteriors with paper, or remove glass from frame. spray interiors of vessels or frame glass lightly with water. 1 spritz does the trick.
Then spray with mirror paint (the water will make the paint mottled).
I found that the spray was pooling on the bottoms of the vessels, so I turned them on their sides and gently rotated them, letting the paint coat the interior. It made authentic looking aging streaks and coated the glass much better.
Turn vessels upside down on a drying rack (so air circulates inside).
Continue to reapply mirror spray. Krylon recommends 5 coats.
Let dry completely, at least overnight. Repeat if too sheer.
For flowers, arrange in a glass and place the glass inside the vase. Candles can be placed directly inside.

...and breathe.

It's been quite a while, and if you don't know why, well now you still don't.

Before I hit the studio to write "The More I Want, The More I Get", I started the journey of The Artist's Way. I finked out and didn't make it through week 9. I realized a couple weeks ago that if I got so much out of completing eight weeks, I probably ripped myself off by not going through to the twelfth. And so I decided to take the journey again, and this time I'm committed to finishing.

I thought it would be fun to document my creative journey into the depths of my inner artist, so I returned to this blog. I'm in the midst of week one, and definitely need support in sticking with the process. My Artist's Date was scheduled for yesterday, and I canceled on myself because there were "more important things to do". Lame! I've rescheduled for tomorrow, and I will protect that time from all interlopers!

Down the rabbit hole I go...

Shorter! Shorter!

My hair, that is...

And Now for Something Completely Different...

My hair got long all of a sudden! I can put it in a pony tail again. The red lipstick is just cuz I was feeling spunky.

I'm getting ma hurr did by the fabulous Miss Maria on Friday in preparation for my headshots on Sunday cuz these roots have got to go! I've actually gotten to the point in my career where I need headshots; this is so weird. When I was 13 years old, my chorus conductor/theater instructor told me, "you're a wonderful actress; it's a shame you can't sing". So what did I do? I said "Fuck acting! I'll show you who can't sing, bitch!" and pursued music with feverish enthusiasm.

I suppose I've come full circle, back to acting once again. And not even by my own doing, or so it feels. I don't really know where this road will lead, however it's become apparent that I can no longer ignore all the signs screaming for me to venture off in this direction. For the first time in a long time, I'm going with the flow. Trusting the process, so to speak.

In some strange twist of fate, Breaker is actually performing for an indie film tonight. It's a comedy about a dufus who sets out to for a rock band, but has no idea what he's doing and keeps failing miserably. he interviews Breaker as "the real band who's really made it" to find out what worked in creating our success. I'm really looking forward to it!

On that note, I should go get my fabulous self ready for another fun-filled night of rock n' roll mayhem.