Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity

I'm a bit behind on my documenting!

"This week addresses self-definition as a major component of creative recovery. You may find yourself drawing new boundaries or staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves. The essays and tools are aimed at moving you into your personal identity, a self defined you."

In the past few years I've become aware of how susceptible I am to my surroundings. I thrive when in a environment I find beautiful or inspiring and seemingly shut down in environments I deem otherwise. This week, Julia Cameron talked about how we don't need huge blocks of time to create the life we want. We can start by making little changes here and there. I realized that while I may want new light fixtures in the office, bedroom, and bathroom, a new rug for the living room, that chic sofa from CB2, side tables to flank it, a fabulous custom-upholstered chair, side table for said fabulous custom-upholstered chair, a two-tiered coffee table, new carpeting in the bedroom, and art on all my walls, I could start to beautify my home by unpacking the still-packed moving boxes, organizing my book shelves, and putting my spring linens on the bed.

This also applies to my life as a musician. I typically need a day's worth of solitude to really get into my groove with songwriting. I'm seeing how ineffective that is, and that I'm very capable of banging out an awesome tune piece-by-piece with whatever spare moments I have. And honestly, I have a lot of spare moments. I just get pissy when they're not all stacked on top of each other.

I've already unpacked one of those moving boxes and even reorganized my bookshelf, which has done wonders for my psyche. Still needs some work, although I'm pretty pleased, considering it took 15 minutes.

Before
After

And Now for Something Completely Different...

My hair got long all of a sudden! I can put it in a pony tail again. The red lipstick is just cuz I was feeling spunky.

I'm getting ma hurr did by the fabulous Miss Maria on Friday in preparation for my headshots on Sunday cuz these roots have got to go! I've actually gotten to the point in my career where I need headshots; this is so weird. When I was 13 years old, my chorus conductor/theater instructor told me, "you're a wonderful actress; it's a shame you can't sing". So what did I do? I said "Fuck acting! I'll show you who can't sing, bitch!" and pursued music with feverish enthusiasm.

I suppose I've come full circle, back to acting once again. And not even by my own doing, or so it feels. I don't really know where this road will lead, however it's become apparent that I can no longer ignore all the signs screaming for me to venture off in this direction. For the first time in a long time, I'm going with the flow. Trusting the process, so to speak.

In some strange twist of fate, Breaker is actually performing for an indie film tonight. It's a comedy about a dufus who sets out to for a rock band, but has no idea what he's doing and keeps failing miserably. he interviews Breaker as "the real band who's really made it" to find out what worked in creating our success. I'm really looking forward to it!

On that note, I should go get my fabulous self ready for another fun-filled night of rock n' roll mayhem.

Lady GaGa at the Much Music Awards.

She's really more of a performance artist than a singer...I mean check out this awesome flaming boobie contraption:


It's been ages since an artist has inspired me the way that GaGa does. Lady GaGa makes me want to be the bestest, most badass version of myself and unleash it for all the world to see. Between her infectious pop melodies, unforgettable attire, and dazzling performances, she really ups the ante for everyone in the music biz. Check out her performance at the Much Music Awards and tell me I'm wrong, fool:

Breaker - The More I Want, The More I Get

After nearly two years of blood, sweat, and tears (and good times, and booze, and excess, and free-flowing mojo, and insane amounts of laughter...) the day is finally here: the long-awaited release of Breaker's debut album, The More I Want, The More I Get.

If you'd like to treat yourself to some badass rock music with a whole lotta' soul, or if you simply want to support a hard-working rock n' roller who has devoted her life to making the world a more music place, then please click on the link below and purchase Breaker's debut album, The More I Want, The More I Get.

10% of the sale of this record is being donated to the Fender Music Foundation in an effort to provide funding and resources for music programs across America. I know that had it not been for the wonderful music and arts programs in my elementary and middle schools, I would probably be on the fast track to a slow death. No joke. By purchasing The More I Want, The More I Get, you're giving kids and adults across the country the opportunity to experience the joys of music. Thank you for your contribution!!!

BREAKER "The More I Want, The More I Get" Record Release Party!

The day is finally here!!! Join us for the release of our debut album, "The More I Want, The More I Get" at TRiP! Our CD and a ton of cool merch will be available as well as some extra special goodies for Breaker fans and friends.

Also playing: A Race Called Man, The Mayberrys, Smales. 21+, $6 w/ flyer, $8 without. FREE parking and full bar. What’s not to love? Print & bring the flyer below for discounted admission. Rock on!

Another Fun BREAKER Photoshoot!

Breaker needed new photos both to showcase our newest member, G Herrera on drums, and to have some snazzy pix of our sexiness for the album art. After the photographer we had been planning on working with bailed, my bestie came to the rescue and did an impromptu photo shoot. Here's a out-takes that I thoroughly enjoy:

I'm Obsessed with Matt and Kim

Here's a review of the Brooklyn duos sophomore album, Grand, from Spin magazine:

Matt and Kim (their real names) come on like a punked-up Mates of State -- a couple so cute that you'd walk away from their frantic live shows feeling mushy, if someone hadn't just mushed you. But the love songs on their second album are for their home borough of Brooklyn as much as for each other. The tap-dancing keyboards and pounding drums of "Daylight" and "Don't Slow Down" soundtrack the duo's reflections on what it's like to be poor and young in the city, where your fire escape is your backyard and your summer wardrobe is your spring wardrobe plus scissors.

BREAKER Loves Fresno!

In the controlled chaos of the past week, I neglected to share the fantabulous pictures Mystic took for Breaker when we played Fresno. First of all, lemme' just say that Fresno knows how to ROCK - wow, what an amazing crowd! Needless, to say I sang my heart out and had a blast!

BREAKER Rocks Fresno!

We've got our second show tomorrow at Crossroads in Fresno. This was actually the first show we booked, and I thought it was a little odd that a promoter in Fresno was contacting us, but it turns out that they really love their rock up there! That's nice to hear, cuz we're gonna' serve up a big, fat, juicy, sizzling slab of rock for those fools to sink their teeth into!

I've gotta' admit, I'm also looking forward to our first little road trip. Good times await...

The Glory of Terror

Today is the day to do the thing that I've been diligently putting off for years: get blood work done. Oh crap, it makes me sick to even see the "b" word. My doctor is very serious about vegetarian healthcare and wants to make sure I'm getting proper nutrition and blah, blah, blah. I usually pass out or at least slip in and out of consciousness when there's a needle in my arm sucking my blood, so Mystic will be coming with me for support. Yeeesh, this is grody.

On the bright side, I got committed to mastering and packaging the album and wouldn't ya know it - a solution appeared. After the bloodfest I'll be investigating the different mastering houses that have been recommended to me and seeing who will do Breaker justice. The world needs my rock n' roll - no more hiding out, no more playing small. Hello world, I'm your wild girl...wow, that's almost as scary as getting my blood sucked. Yet I know from experience that when my knees are knockin', it's just a sign that I'm on the right path.

Here's to doing the things that scare me most!

Live and Unleashed!

Wow - my first show with the new band was an absolute blast! I felt completely and wholly myself up on that stage. It felt so natural to just open myself up and let that sweet, sweet sound pour out. The connection, the synergy, the release...it was pure perfection!








BREAKER totally rocked the house and we're looking forward to do it all over again next Friday!

Lady Gaga Rocks My Socks

I have been worshipping at the altar of Gaga since I first heard "Just Dance" last summer, prior to the release of her debut album, "The Fame". Lady Gaga takes the best of glam-rockers David Bowie and Queen and Queen-of-Pop, Madonna, and adds her own fabulousity to the mix. The result is an electrifying and infectious brand of synth-driven, dance-worthy glam pop.

When I saw the video below, from AOL Sessions, I kind of wished I had never been born and that all other musicians should just give up now. Yes, it is that good.

Do You Wanna' Touch Me?

I had a blast tracking Joan Jett's cover of "Do You Wanna' Touch Me (Oh Yeah)" with Smack this weekend. We ended up with two different versions because the ideas kept getting better and better. I had always thought that it was a great song, but while the subject matter is very sexy, Ms. Jett's delivery of it is not. I sexified my version, and even Smack said some takes sounded X-rated. Hey, that's just the Breaker sensibility.

It was a complete and total honor to be asked to sing a song made famous by the reigning queen of rock n' roll and it certainly has inspired me to be the best me I can possibly be. She didn't get where she is by pleasing others or posing as anything that she is not: She got to the top by being her rockin', raunchy, and audacious self. And that is all I want, really - To make a name for myself just being myself.

Fuchsia!

The color is much more visible and vibrant in the daylight. Unfortunately, the stains in the bathroom are more visible and vibrant too. Ooopsies!




I gotta' get out of bed and get ready for my day: Tracking an industrial rock version of Joan Jett's "Do You Wanna' Touch Me (Oh Yeah"! I'm so frickin' excited and looking forward to channeling the Blackheart babe.

Bring it On: Volume II

I looked into the eyes
Of an ideal I despise
I kissed the lips of certainty
And I kissed them goodbye

A road less traveled calls my name
And the thrill just fans my flame
When the pangs of regret rise up,
it's my turn to get tough

Take me for a ride
And the fear is long gone
If pain keeps us strong,
Don't tell me when, just bring it on!

So hard to satisfy
A desire as intense as mine
I'm driven by a dream
That nearly drives me to the edge

The bet is on and the stakes are high
And the risk keeps me alive
Give me love in gilded cages
Or give me wings and watch me soar

What, do you still want more?

Take me for a ride
And the fear is long gone
If pain keeps us strong,
Don't tell me when, just bring it on!

...Kissed the lips of certainty goodbye
The bet is on and the stakes are high...

What, do you still want more?

Take me for a ride
And the fear is long gone
If pain keeps us strong,
Don't tell me when, just bring it on!

Bring it On: Volume I

Writing lyrics is usually a solo venture of mine, and next to performing live, it is my favorite aspect of the whole (in)glorious process that is making music. Creating lyrics is my opportunity to transfer my feelings from my head & heart to the world at large. It's my chance to translate those feelings into real, relatable topics that make people go, "yeah, me too".

There are rare instances, however, when someone else's lyrics make me go, "yeah, me too" and we get to collaborate on something bigger than both of us. "Bring it On" is one of those rare instances.

My brother, Dan, had this poem that would get stuck in my head, and it was something I'd silently recite to myself:

Take me for a ride
and it's all long gone.
The fear is all that keeps us sane
If it's pain that keeps us strong,
Don't tell me when, just bring it on.

It was one of those scraps that hadn't yet been brought to life by a song. During pro-production, when I heard the riff that was to become "Bring it On", I felt the same onslaught of feelings that Dan's poem brought forth.

I saw myself standing before two divergent paths, knowing that one would bring me happiness, plain and simple; and the other, well the other held the promise of excessive amounts of fun, high doses of ecstasy, non-stop adventure, and all the pleasure that a grrrl like me could crave, only it was far more challenging and there would be swarms of people along the way telling me to turn back: it was a journey too long and hard for me to make, or worse yet, that seeking such fulfillment was merely a fool's errand.

So...which path do you think I took?

Check out my next post to find out ;)

Driving Without MY Music is Hard.

I drove from Bayport, NY to Dexter, ME with only Red Hot Chili Peppers "Stadium Arcadium" to see me through the long, cold haul - and that little gem was courtesy of Denise, who also treated me to delicious homemade banana pancakes and good company at 7:30am.

Other than that, it was just radio, which turned wretched around Massachusetts. No "Pokerface" or "Love Games", no "Sober" or "So What"; just crappy modern country all over the airwaves.

All I wanted was Pink and Lady Gaga for eight long hours!!!

What's a girl gotta' do to get some pop around this joint?

My Music as of Late.

I've been on a kooky female anti-folk kick for the past week or so. Well, it sort of evolved from anti-folk to encompass a bit more pop (with indie sensibilities, of course) and the kind of experimental edge that always garners my attention.

It seemed rude to hog all the good music to myself, so I put together this funky little link with the best of the best from my anti-folk evolution.

Go get some good music, and then pass it on.

93.1 Jack FM is Uber-Entertaining

Since NPR does a lot of repeats over the weekend, Gadget and I have been switching over to Jack FM as we unpack and paint and prepare our new home. Man, Jack FM is entertaining! Their slogan is, "93.1 Jack FM: Playing What We Want", and they're not kidding. With zero respect for "decent" segues, they go from Nena (99 Luftballoons) to Tom Petty to Foo Fighters to Madness (Our House) to Led Zeppelin.  It's just plain fun to reminisce about the songs and artists and even sing along from time to time. Since the selection is so random, there's really something for everyone, and every decade of everyone's tastes. If you're in need of some enjoyable radio, which is becoming more and more rare these days, tune in to 93.1 Jack FM.

Turn Up the Tunes - We've Got Canyons to Conquer!

Long drives call for a wide selection of of good music. And after a morning like mine, a long drive and good music was just what I needed.

My brother, my former guitar player and partner in crime, moved back to New York today. He fell in love with a girl and followed his heart all the way back to Long Island. I've been moody and mopey about it for a week now, and after dropping him off LAX this morning, I felt as though my heart was torn to shreds and my brain steamrollered. Dramatic, I know, but it's how I felt.

I let the force guide me as I slowly rolled out of the airport and back into this sprawling suburb of a city. Onwards we drove, past Temescal Canyon with Breaker blaring, towards the Pacific Ocean. "Right on PCH", a voice whispered. I obeyed. And with the change of scenery, a change of music was necessary. Red Hot Chili Peppers always do me right, and the Mars disc of "Stadium Arcadium" was the perfect accompaniment for a ride through the beautiful beach front town of Malibu. 

The going was good so I kept on going. A little Steve Miller Band for Oxnard, and then David Bowie for my Oceanside moment of reflection. I sat there and took in the surf, the salt air, wondering if it was time to call it quits. "Keep going", the voice urged. I criss-crossed the canyons. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers for Kanan Rd., where I scoped out my dream house, a gem hidden among the hilltops of the Santa Monica Mountains. Through Malibu Canyon with the Smashing Pumpkins; Topanga Canyon with John Frusciante; and on home through Laurel Canyon with the Harry Potter score. 

Half a tank of gas later, here I am. Feeling at peace with what has transpired. Knowing that the only way out is through, so I've got to keep moving. Keep moving.